Only the Lonely
Finding Your People
I attended a meeting the last few days, and I cannot say enough about the restorative powers of being with like minded people, who are excited and inspired by similar things. I felt a sense of belonging that I desperately needed and recently, have felt lacking in my day to day job.
It’s hard to be the only one. I am a member of a small and talented division. Everyone is busy with a variety of professional passions and interests. I know the importance of having the freedom to pursue that which excites, but the downside is that it can lead to a “fragmented” experience. I feel very much the like a lone wolf. I’m the oldest. I’m the only one without a practice of my own. I’m the sole representative of “us” in residency program leadership, and I feel isolated from my colleagues geographically, professionally, and personally. Even there, I am the only one working in the ambulatory environment, while all the others are hospital-based.
I miss being part of a team. Having others to brainstorm with and run ideas by. Having another person who can be as enthusiastic about projects and as willing to commit time to innovating in what oft seems an immovable environment.
I am admittedly envious when I come to national meetings and see General Internal Medicine divisions from other institutions show up en force with longstanding mentor-mentee relationships, workshop collaborations, and team dinners. To reference that social media trend, “I was born to be a teammate, but forced to be independent.”
As I’ve mentioned in past posts, I wonder if I somehow missed my “perfect time” by coming back to academic medicine after such a long time. Did I miss my key window to make the connections that would have provided me “my people” at work?
I know I’m not “old old.” And yay me-I did secure my promotion to Professor recently. But even that feels like it was supported by the work I do with people outside of my home institution. Is that what is supposed to happen? As you get older, work is extramural and not intramural? I love connecting with others, and I’m so happy to work with people around the country.
But it sure would be nice to find that connection at “home,” too. Because without that connection, it’s hard for me to picture what my trajectory and plan for growth locally is going to be.
I’d love to hear what aspects of your job make you feel you belong and what make you feel isolated?
I feel your sentiment. I am older but started to get involved in academics with our recent medical residency program and enjoying the learning process. Still feel like I can contribute a lot to the medical world, but will see. Loving making the connections with the recent meeting I have attended.
Whenever I meet someone new who learns I work at UC Irvine, I am asked, 'are you on faculty?' and my response is 'I am a Business Officer.' This is often met with 'Oh OK'. Then when I go on to explain I am part of an academic support unit that strives to close achievement gaps and educational equity, it's even less clear what I do. My work has always been 'adjacent to' the University teaching and research functions, but not to the public service mission. So when I go to my annual WACUBO meetings, like you, I am with my like minds and it is energizing. Admin leaders are relatively siloed in higher ed. Cross-collaboration among finance types is not a thing. There are 100 ways to produce 100 reports from the same data. Couple that with my team which is 90% millenial/Gen Z, I feel like the odd duck. I remind myself that I am one part of a 3-legged stool and if ever there was a place to be 'collegial' and among 'colleagues', it is in a college/higher education with others with a shared mission, governance and that strives for belonging and inclusion. Lean on those relationships you have developed even outside your immediate orbit. Bring the energy home to your team and adjacent teams! :)